in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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