We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
