when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
