I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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