You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
