Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
