Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
