he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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