i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize