??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
