I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
