I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
