The maid of honor just puked.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I met the friendliest cop last night
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
