Christians are straight up FREAKS
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
