I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
