I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
