Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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