You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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