Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
