Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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