Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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