I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you inspire me to be a worse person
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
