He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
