Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
