I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
