video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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