that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
