We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
