I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
