So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
