I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
