Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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