i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
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