I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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