woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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