he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
