She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
