He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
