Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
