My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
