This is not my ceiling
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
