We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
