Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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