my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
