I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
