I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
