i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i think i just lost a toe
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