Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
