pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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