i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
