No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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