I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize