Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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