We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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