new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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