Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
