can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
