I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
