Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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