there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
