apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
