I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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