I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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