a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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