I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
