4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The adults are the big ones right?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
