But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
